that’s life

인생 살아볼수록.. 참 별 거 없다.

그 순간엔 내 인생 다 결정나는 것 같았던 일들도

지나고 나면 결국 별 차이도 없는 결과였던 것.

자조적인 냉소가 아니라

왠간한 일에는 참 아둥바둥할 필요가 없다는 깨달음.

Filed under: scribbles

7years of wisdom (updated)

hearing from someone from the past after a long silent break is such a mind-stirring experience. it brings up all the buried memories not only around that time, but also all the way through up to today, and make me look back at myself back in the days and how much i have changed over time.probably because 1. past two years in new york has done a lot to change me – my lifestyle, my view, etc. -, and 2. i have reached this age(’MID’-20s!) where life can go into so many different directions – no more school life indeed -, my old days back in 2000 (the year when the friend who wrote me existed) seems just so cute and funny in a way that i was so young, unexperienced and clueless compared to who i am after 7 years.
i wouldn’t necessarily prefer who i am who is more savvy and sophisticated and realistic on life, but i wouldn’t necessarily miss who i was 7 years ago either. it seems like a natural process of life that you grow old and you go through phases that provide relevant wisdom that keeps you to go on and experience different things at different stage.
at least i should be grateful that the change in myself over past 7 years feels satisfactory than regretful. i will be looking forward to myself in next 7 years when i will be looking back on today as old days and say, “gosh, how young/stupid was i?!”

Filed under: scribbles

la vie en rose

started a job at Createthe group as a producer/ project manager.
it is a thrilling opportunity for me that almost happened sepedipitiously – the job that seemed so right for me (right timing, right work, right field, right position, and even right location!) called in to me first! -, and i am very excited to start my important first steps of my career here.
belonging to a group, thus identifying yourself as some sort gives you this big relief for that you got some place to settle. i know not everyone enjoys the settlement like myself, but i like knowing where i am and building up good relationships within the place. i have belonged to quite a number of groups – lots of schools, workplaces – and the relationships i built at each places somehow cherishes my life in so many unexpected ways.
as much as i am excited about work itself, i really am looking forward to new relationships i just started building at my new place.

Filed under: scribbles

recipe for life

In the movie i recently watched has a line something like “there is no recipe given to you for your life, and it makes it hard for you to figure out how to live a life. but you just have to know that the best recipe is the one you make.”
so many ways to live a life – i get confused easily, wasting time and energy by lingering on the past. just heard the news that both my grandparents were ill and would need a surgery which might jeopardize their life. struck my shallow head with sheer realization on the simple rule of gratitude in life.
my grandmother is the best cook in the world. it is just hard to imagine one day her secret will be lost forever, and i will regret for not being a more loving granddaughter. Their love is the utmost empowering ones I have ever experienced. Last time when I saw them, it was almost embarrassing to receive their overflowing proud and love toward me when I really didn’t deserve one..

For last few months, I have been occupied with the things that were lost and moaned for my own sorrow. It is not easy – or maybe not even necessary like someone said – to stay positive *all the time* when life frustrates you and fails you in so many ways – losing your laundry card in your closet sized room!?!! – , but it really is important to know the really-important things that should matter or that are deserved to matter in life – and i know the love for my grandparents is definite one. hope i know better now how to use my life for more powerful cause not for the things that do not deserve a part..

Filed under: scribbles

justice

When it comes to reality, it is hard to ignore the real things – money, family, social values – because there are things you need to respect in order to sustain the basic needs in life; to secure a roof over your head, you need a job that pays off your rent. Because no man is an island, you need to fit in with your society which sometimes (or often) comes with compromises..
When I see a friend who works in world relief, as much as I respect the meanings and values of the work, I get to question the virtue of capitalism of the work I am involved with – say, general money business like consumer goods, Ads.. – with some kind of shame. But again, nothing is done with pure naivety on earth, even (I know) the noble world relief work is at the end not so sacred as much as it sounds since it IS another business after all that writes paycheck to its employees with maybe a better title.
Then how much importance does justice have when you/we grade a job? A country? A person? How much should it be?

So America is a great country: it still has more opportunities than most of any other places in the world for anyone to dream his dream. A mortgage for a beautiful suburban house with white fence, countless well-developed beautiful cities, humongous amazing natures.. it really got everything that many other places are dying to earn, and never will be able to earn. But the history behind the power it has grown, and the politics that made it all possible is not so pretty after all. Not to make up any conspiracy, it is just obvious in life that no great power comes with pretty chit-chat. Growing up in a place where it is heavily influenced by American culture – like many other places on earth: one of the things America’s great power did to other great history -, but also where it has so much hatred and criticism on the culture, the question about American justice had to occur but with a confusion that if justice exists anywhere after all..
But, maybe justice is a false image from the beginning. Being fair for everyone is certainly not always possible in many cases and world is very tough and competitive I know, so if you loose, you will loose a big time, so you’d rather be a bad guy and give more chances and peace to people you care like your people. Maybe that’s what they are trying to do.. Maybe the blame should be on the reality that plays too well with the law of the jungle..
But again, as one of those living a humble mundane life, maybe it is just smart to leave all these questions behind, and try to have a little virtue at least in my little humble life without questioning too much about justice. I mean, after all, it is hard enough to be a decent human being myself.

Filed under: scribbles

i am what i am

A couple of days ago, i was around time square area to run some errand, then ran into a series of Reebok’s promotional Ads “I am what I am”. It seemed pretty obvious that they are setting up a strategy to go against Adidas’s “Impossible is Nothing” catch phrase, but the images of ‘ordinary’ people hurting from over-passionate marathon race with lines such as “why hurt? Run easy” and such really got me think – i mean, really, we all don’t have to run like professionals. it is more about enjoying yourself. but the pressure that is getting upon us try to make us feel bad for not being able to run like marathoners!

As a matter of fact, there are certain things that you really should not push yourself to no matter how important or ‘cool’ it seems, because they are merely the values that’s been injected into your brain from social settings, not what you really value for your own goal of life.

The life in newyork has been fabulous with no doubt, but i have to say it is such a greedy city and makes people to pursue things that really shouldn’t matter in life. It is so easy to lose yourself and get choked in this intense competitive air, and from the past experience, i have to say i’ve become so skeptical about the values many newyorkers are chasing after. countless restaurants, shops, world’s best design firms and such. are they really necessary? why really? i understand it is a personal choice on life, and maybe i am just not one of them. i understand in life, you need to push yourself in order to get to the next level which may make you happier, but you really need to know beforehand what you are really after. and once you figure it out, don’t feel bad if it’s not the same as what others are after. it is just fine to be WHAT I AM.

i know i am pretty much writing this to convince myself, but think about it you as well whoever is reading it – if you know what you really are looking for in life. it is just so easy to trick yourself especially when you are under tremendous pressure from eye-spinning ear-deafening(?) surroundings.

Filed under: scribbles

[netEffects] final project summary

I’ve put together some images and diagrams to sum up my experiment on “The Impact of Privacy within a Private Network”. Since I didn’t get a chance to show it in the class, feel free to look through the file.
network effects final [pdf]

Filed under: Network Effects

[thesis] preview

it is coming along. little by little

Filed under: Thesis: Oh, Chandelier

[thesis] pattern

those are patterns that i drew to laser cut on sheer fabrics and translucent plastic sheets. the patterned strips will going to wrap around the lights to diffuse glow.
hope it turns out well.

Filed under: Thesis: Oh, Chandelier

[netEffects] final project proposal

network effects final proposal

Filed under: Network Effects